Сэмюэл БатлерHUDIBRAS PART III CANTO IIГУДИБРАС ЧАСТЬ 3 ПЕСНЬ 2
1 ч. 32 мин.
- The Saints engage in fierce Contests About their Carnal interests; To share their sacrilegious Preys, According to their Rates of Grace; Their various Frenzies to reform, When Cromwel left them in a Storm Till, in th' Effigy of Rumps, the Rabble Burns all their Grandees of the Cabal. -
THE learned write, an insect breeze Is but a mungrel prince of bees, That falls before a storm on cows, And stings the founders of his house; From whose corrupted flesh that breed 5 Of vermin did at first proceed. So e're the storm of war broke out, Religion spawn'd a various rout Of petulant Capricious sects, The maggots of corrupted texts, 10 That first run all religion down, And after ev'ry swarm its own. For as the Persian Magi once Upon their mothers got their sons, That were incapable t' enjoy 15 That empire any other way; So PRESBYTER begot the other Upon the good old Cause, his mother, Then bore then like the Devil's dam, Whose son and husband are the same. 20 And yet no nat'ral tie of blood Nor int'rest for the common good Cou'd, when their profits interfer'd, Get quarter for each other's beard. For when they thriv'd, they never fadg'd, 25 But only by the ears engag'd: Like dogs that snarl about a bone, And play together when they've none, As by their truest characters, Their constant actions, plainly appears. 30 Rebellion now began, for lack Of zeal and plunders to grow slack; The Cause and covenant to lessen, And Providence to b' out of season: For now there was no more to purchase 35 O' th' King's Revenue, and the Churches, But all divided, shar'd, and gone, That us'd to urge the Brethren on; Which forc'd the stubborn'st for the Cause, To cross the cudgels to the laws, 40 That what by breaking them th' had gain'd. By their support might be maintain'd; Like thieves, that in a hemp-plot lie Secur'd against the hue-and-cry; For PRESBYTER and INDEPENDANT 45 Were now turn'd plaintiff and defendant; Laid out their apostolic functions On carnal orders and injunctions; And all their precious Gifts and Graces On outlawries and scire facias; 50 At Michael's term had many a trial, Worse than the Dragon and St. Michael, Where thousands fell, in shape of fees, Into the bottomless abyss. For when like brethren, and like friends, 55 They came to share their dividends, And ev'ry partner to possess His Church and State Joint-Purchases, In which the ablest Saint, and best, Was nam'd in trust by all the rest, 60 To pay their money; and, instead Of ev'ry Brother, pass the deed; He strait converted all his gifts To pious frauds and holy shifts; And settled all the other shares 65 Upon his outward man and's heirs; Held all they claim'd as forfeit lands, Deliver'd up into his hands, And pass'd upon his conscience, By Pre-intail of Providence; 70 Impeach'd the rest for reprobates, That had no titles to estates, But by their spiritual attaints Degraded from the right of Saints. This b'ing reveal'd, they now begun 75 With law and conscience to fall on, And laid about as hot and brain-sick As th' Utter Barrister of SWANSWICK; Engag'd with moneybags as bold As men with sand bags did of old; 80 That brought the lawyers in more fees Than all unsanctify'd Trustees; Till he who had no more to show I' th' case receiv'd the overthrow; Or both sides having had the worst, 85 They parted as they met at first.
Poor PRESBYTER was now reduc'd, Secluded, and cashier'd, and chous'd Turn'd out, and excommunicate From all affairs of Church and State; 90 Reform'd t' a reformado Saint, And glad to turn itinerant, To stroll and teach from town to town, And those he had taught up, teach down. And make those uses serve agen 95 Against the new-enlighten'd men, As fit as when at first they were Reveal'd against the CAVALIER; Damn ANABAPTIST and FANATIC, As pat as Popish and Prelatic; 100 And with as little variation, To serve for any Sect i' th' nation. The Good Old Cause, which some believe To be the Dev'l that tempted EVE With Knowledge, and does still invite 105 The world to mischief with new Light, Had store of money in her purse When he took her for bett'r or worse; But now was grown deform'd and poor, And fit to be turn'd out of door. 110
The INDEPENDENTS (whose first station Was in the rear of reformation, A mungrel kind of church-dragoons, That serv'd for horse and foot at once; And in the saddle of one steed 115 The Saracen and Christian rid; Were free of ev'ry spiritual order, To preach, and fight, and pray, and murder) No sooner got the start to lurch Both disciplines, of War and Church 120 And Providence enough to run The chief commanders of 'em down, But carry'd on the war against The common enemy o' th' Saints, And in a while prevail'd so far, 125 To win of them the game of war, And be at liberty once more T' attack themselves, as th' had before.
For now there was no foe in arms, T' unite their factions with alarms, 130 But all reduc'd and overcome, Except their worst, themselves at home, Wh' had compass'd all they pray'd, and swore, And fought, and preach'd, and plunder'd for; Subdu'd the Nation, Church, and State, 135 And all things, but their laws and hate: But when they came to treat and transact, And share the spoil of all th' had ransackt, To botch up what th' had torn and rent, Religion and the Government, 140 They met no sooner, but prepar'd To pull down all the war had spar'd Agreed in nothing, but t' abolish, Subvert, extirpate, and demolish. For knaves and fools b'ing near of kin 145 As Dutch Boors are t' a Sooterkin, Both parties join'd to do their best To damn the publick interest, And herded only in consults, To put by one another's bolts; 150 T' out-cant the Babylonian labourers, At all their dialects of jabberers, And tug at both ends of the saw, To tear down Government and Law. For as two cheats, that play one game, 155 Are both defeated of their aim; So those who play a game of state, And only cavil in debate, Although there's nothing lost or won, The publick bus'ness is undone; 160 Which still the longer 'tis in doing, Becomes the surer way to ruin.
This, when the ROYALISTS perceiv'd, (Who to their faith as firmly cleav'd, And own'd the right they had paid down 165 So dearly for, the Church and Crown,) Th' united constanter, and sided The more, the more their foes divided. For though out-number'd, overthrown And by the fate of war run down) 170 Their duty never was defeated, Nor from their oaths and faith retreated; For loyalty is still the same, Whether it win or lose the game; True as the dial to the sun, 175 Although it be not shin'd upon. But when these brethren in evil, Their adversaries, and the Devil, Began once more to shew them play, And hopes, at least, to have a day, 180 They rally'd in parades of woods, And unfrequented solitudes; Conven'd at midnight in out-houses, T' appoint new-rising rendezvouzes, And with a pertinacy unmatch'd, 185 For new recruits of danger watch'd. No sooner was one blow diverted, But up another party started; And, as if nature too, in haste To furnish out supplies as fast, 190 Before her time, had turn'd destruction T' a new and numerous production, No sooner those were overcome, But up rose others in their room, That, like the Christian faith, increast 195 The more, the more they were supprest Whom neither chains, nor transportation, Proscription, sale, or confiscation, Nor all the desperate events Of former try'd experiments 200 Nor wounds cou'd terrify, nor mangling, To leave off loyalty and dangling; Nor death (with all his bones) affright From vent'ring to maintain the right, From staking life and fortune down 205 'Gainst all together, for the Crown; But kept the title of their cause From forfeiture, like claims in laws And prov'd no prosp'rous usurpation Can ever settle in the nation; 210 Until, in spight of force and treason, They put their loyalty in possession; And by their constancy and faith, Destroy 'd the mighty men of Gath.
Toss'd in a furious hurricane, 215 Did OLIVER give up his reign; And was believ'd, as well by Saints, As mortal men and miscreants, To founder in the Stygian Ferry; Until he was retriev'd by STERRY, 220 Who, in a faise erroneous dream, Mistook the New Jerusalem Prophanely for the apocryphal False Heaven at the end o' th' Hall; Whither it was decreed by Fate 225 His precious reliques to translate. So ROMULUS was seen before B' as orthodox a Senator; From whose divine illumination He stole the Pagan revelation. 230
Next him his Son and Heir Apparent Succeeded, though a lame vicegerent; Who first laid by the Parliament, The only crutch on which he leant; And then sunk underneath the State, 235 That rode him above horseman's weight.
And now the Saints began their reign, For which th' had yearn'd so long in vain, And felt such bowel-hankerings, To see an empire all of Kings. 240 Deliver'd from the Egyptian awe Of Justice, Government, and Law, And free t' erect what spiritual Cantons Should be reveal'd, or Gospel Hans-Towns, To edify upon the ruins 245 Of JOHN of LEYDEN'S old Out-goings; Who for a weather-cock hung up, Upon the Mother Church's top; Was made a type, by Providence, Of all their revelations since; 250 And now fulfill'd by his successors, Who equally mistook their measures For when they came to shape the model, Not one could fit another's noddle; But found their Light and Gifts more wide 255 From fadging than th' unsanctify'd; While ev'ry individual brother Strove hand to fist against another; And still the maddest, and most crackt, Were found the busiest to transact 260 For though most hands dispatch apace, And make light work, (the proverb says,) Yet many diff'rent intellects Are found t' have contrary effects; And many heads t' obstruct intrigues, 265 As slowest insects have most legs.
Some were for setting up a King; But all the rest for no such thing, Unless KING JESUS. Others tamper'd For FLEETWOOD, DESBOROUGH, and LAMBERT; 270 Some for the Rump; and some, more crafty, For Agitators, and the safety; Some for the Gospel, and massacres Of Spiritual Affidavit-makers, That swore to any human regence, 275 Oaths of supremacy and allegiance; Yea, though the ablest swearing Saint That vouch'd the Bulls o' th' Covenant: Others for pulling down th' high-places Of Synods and Provincial Classes, 280 That us'd to make such hostile inroads Upon the Saints, like bloody NIMRODS Some for fulfilling prophecies, And th' expiration of th' excise And some against th' Egyptian bondage 285 Of holy-days, and paying poundage: Some for the cutting down of groves, And rectifying bakers' loaves: And some for finding out expedients Against the slav'ry of obedience. 290 Some were for Gospel Ministers, And some for Red-coat Seculars, As men most fit t' hold forth the word, And wield the one and th' other sword. Some were for carrying on the work 295 Against the Pope, and some the Turk; Some for engaging to suppress, The Camisado of surplices, That gifts and dispensations hinder'd, And turn'd to th' Outward Man the Inward; 300 More proper for the cloudy night Of Popery than Gospel Light. Others were for abolishing That tool of matrimony, a ring, With which th' unsanctify'd bridegroom 305 Is marry'd only to a thumb; (As wise as ringing of a pig, That us'd to break up ground, and dig;) The bride to nothing but her will, That nulls the after-marriage still 310 Some were for th' utter extirpation Of linsey-woolsey in the nation; And some against all idolizing The Cross in shops-books, or Baptizing Others to make all things recant 315 The Christian or Surname of Saint; And force all churches, streets, and towns, The holy title to renounce. Some 'gainst a Third Estate of Souls, And bringing down the price of coals: 320 Some for abolishing black-pudding, And eating nothing with the blood in; To abrogate them roots and branches; While others were for eating haunches Of warriors, and now and then, 325 The flesh of Kings and mighty men And some for breaking of their bones With rods of ir'n, by secret ones: For thrashing mountains, and with spells For hallowing carriers' packs and bells: 330 Things that the legend never heard of, But made the wicked sore afear'd of.
The quacks of Government (who sate At th' unregarded helm of State, And understood this wild confusion 335 Of fatal madness and delusion, Must, sooner than a prodigy, Portend destruction to be nigh) Consider'd timely how t' withdraw, And save their wind-pipes from the law; 340 For one rencounter at the bar Was worse than all th' had 'scap'd in war; And therefore met in consultation To cant and quack upon the nation; Not for the sickly patient's sake, 345 For what to give, but what to take; To feel the pulses of their fees, More wise than fumbling arteries: Prolong the snuff of life in pain, And from the grave recover - Gain. 350
'Mong these there was a politician With more heads than a beast in vision, And more intrigues in ev'ry one Than all the whores of Babylon: So politic, as if one eye 355 Upon the other were a spy, That, to trepan the one to think The other blind, both strove to blink; And in his dark pragmatick way, As busy as a child at play. 360 H' had seen three Governments run down, And had a hand in ev'ry one; Was for 'em and against 'em all, But barb'rous when they came to fall For, by trepanning th' old to ruin, 365 He made his int'rest with the new one Play'd true and faithful, though against His conscience, and was still advanc'd. For by the witchcraft of rebellion Transform'd t' a feeble state-camelion, 370 By giving aim from side to side, He never fail'd to save his tide, But got the start of ev'ry state, And at a change ne'er came too late; Cou'd turn his word, and oath, and faith, 375 As many ways as in a lath; By turning, wriggle, like a screw, Int' highest trust, and out, for new. For when h' had happily incurr'd, Instead of hemp, to be preferr'd, 380 And pass'd upon a government, He pay'd his trick, and out he went But, being out, and out of hopes To mount his ladder (more) of ropes, Wou'd strive to raise himself upon 385 The publick ruin, and his own; So little did he understand The desp'rate feats he took in hand. For when h' had got himself a name For fraud and tricks, he spoil'd his game; 390 Had forc'd his neck into a noose, To shew his play at fast and loose; And when he chanc'd t' escape, mistook For art and subtlety, his luck. So right his judgment was cut fit, 395 And made a tally to his wit, And both together most profound At deeds of darkness under-ground; As th' earth is easiest undermin'd By vermin impotent and blind. 400
By all these arts, and many more, H' had practis'd long and much before, Our state artificer foresaw Which way the world began to draw. For as old sinners have all points 405 O' th' compass in their bones and joints, Can by their pangs and aches find All turns and changes of the wind, And better than by NAPIER's bones Feel in their own the age of moons; 410 So guilty sinners in a state Can by their crimes prognosticate, And in their consciences feel pain Some days before a show'r of rain. He therefore wisely cast about, 415 All ways he cou'd, t' ensure his throat; And hither came, t' observe and smoke What courses other riskers took And to the utmost do his best To save himself, and hang the rest. 420 To match this Saint, there was another As busy and perverse a Brother, An haberdasher of small wares In politicks and state affairs; More Jew than Rabbi ACHITOPHEL, 425 And better gifted to rebel: For when h' had taught his tribe to 'spouse The Cause, aloft, upon one house, He scorn'd to set his own in order, But try'd another, and went further; 430 So suddenly addicted still To's only principle, his will, That whatsoe'er it chanc'd to prove, Nor force of argument cou'd move; Nor law, nor cavalcade of Holborn, 435 Could render half a grain less stubborn. For he at any time would hang For th' opportunity t' harangue; And rather on a gibbet dangle, Than miss his dear delight, to wrangle; 440 In which his parts were so accomplisht, That, right or wrong, he ne'er was non-plusht; But still his tongue ran on, the less Of weight it bore, with greater ease; And with its everlasting clack 445 Set all men's ears upon the rack. No sooner cou'd a hint appear, But up he started to picqueer, And made the stoutest yield to mercy, When he engag'd in controversy. 450 Not by the force of carnal reason, But indefatigable teazing; With vollies of eternal babble, And clamour, more unanswerable. For though his topics, frail and weak, 455 Cou'd ne'er amount above a freak, He still maintain'd 'em, like his faults, Against the desp'ratest assaults; And back'd their feeble lack of sense, With greater heat and confidence? 460 As bones of Hectors, when they differ, The more they're cudgel'd grow the stiffer. Yet when his profit moderated, The fury of his heat abated. For nothing but his interest 465 Cou'd lay his Devil of Contest. It was his choice, or chance; or curse, T' espouse the Cause for bett'r or worse, And with his worldly goods and wit, And soul and body, worship'd it: 470 But when he found the sullen trapes Possess'd with th' Devil, worms, and claps; The Trojan mare, in foal with Greeks, Not half so full of jadish tricks; Though squeamish in her outward woman, 475 As loose and rampant as Dol Common; He still resolv'd to mend the matter, T' adhere and cleave the obstinater; And still the skittisher and looser Her freaks appear'd, to sit the closer. 480 For fools are stubborn in their way, As coins are harden'd by th' allay: And obstinacy's ne'er so stiff As when 'tis in a wrong belief. These two, with others, being met, 485 And close in consultation set, After a discontented pause, And not without sufficient cause, The orator we nam'd of late, Less troubled with the pangs of State 490 Than with his own impatience, To give himself first audience, After he had a while look'd wise, At last broke silence, and the ice.
Quoth he, There's nothing makes me doubt 495 Our last out-goings brought about, More than to see the characters Of real jealousies and fears Not feign'd, as once, but, sadly horrid, Scor'd upon ev'ry Member's forehead; 500 Who, 'cause the clouds are drawn together, And threaten sudden change of weather, Feel pangs and aches of state-turns, And revolutions in their corns; And, since our workings-out are cross'd, 505 Throw up the Cause before 'tis lost. Was it to run away we meant, When, taking of the Covenant, The lamest cripples of the brothers Took oaths to run before all others; 510 But in their own sense only swore To strive to run away before; And now would prove, that words and oath Engage us to renounce them both? 'Tis true, the Cause is in the lurch, 515 Between a Right and Mungrel-Church; The Presbyter and Independent, That stickle which shall make an end on't; As 'twas made out to us the last Expedient - ( I mean Marg'ret's Fast,) 520 When Providence had been suborn'd, What answer was to be return'd. Else why should tumults fright us now, We have so many times come through? And understand as well to tame, 525 As when they serve our turns t'inflame: Have prov'd how inconsiderable Are all engagements of the rabble, Whose frenzies must be reconcil'd With drums and rattles, like a child; 530 But never prov'd so prosperous As when they were led on by us For all our scourging of religion Began with tumult and sedition; When hurricanes of fierce commotion 535 Became strong motives to devotion; (As carnal seamen, in a storm, Turn pious converts, and reform;) When rusty weapons, with chalk'd edges, Maintain'd our feeble privileges; 540 And brown-bills levy'd in the City, Made bills to pass the Grand Committee; When zeal, with aged clubs and gleaves, Gave chace to rochets and white sleeves, And made the Church, and State, and Laws, 545 Submit t' old iron and the Cause. And as we thriv'd by tumults then, So might we better now agen, If we knew how, as then we did, To use them rightly in our need: 550 Tumults, by which the mutinous Betray themselves instead of us. The hollow-hearted, disaffected, And close malignant are detected, Who lay their lives and fortunes down 555 For pledges to secure our own; And freely sacrifice their ears T' appease our jealousies and fears; And yet, for all these providences W' are offer'd, if we had our senses; 560 We idly sit like stupid blockheads, Our hands committed to our pockets; And nothing but our tongues at large, To get the wretches a discharge: Like men condemn'd to thunder-bolts, 565 Who, ere the blow, become mere dolts; Or fools besotted with their crimes, That know not how to shift betimes, And neither have the hearts to stay, Nor wit enough to run away; 570 Who, if we cou'd resolve on either, Might stand or fall at least together; No mean or trivial solace To partners in extreme distress; Who us'd to lessen their despairs, 575 By parting them int' equal shares; As if the more they were to bear, They felt the weight the easier; And ev'ry one the gentler hung, The more he took his turn among. 580 But 'tis not come to that, as yet, If we had courage left, or wit; Who, when our fate can be no worse, Are fitted for the bravest course; Have time to rally, and prepare 585 Our last and best defence, despair; Despair, by which the gallant'st feats Have been atchiev'd in greatest straits, And horrid'st danger safely wav'd, By being courageously out-brav'd; 590 As wounds by wider wounds are heal'd, And poisons by themselves expell'd: And so they might be now agen, If we were, what we shou'd be, men; And not so dully desperate, 595 To side against ourselves with Fate; As criminals, condemn'd to suffer, Are blinded first, and then turn'd over. This comes of breaking Covenants, And setting up Exauns of Saints, 600 That fine, like aldermen, for grace, To be excus'd the efficace. For Spiritual men are too transcendent, That mount their banks for Independent, To hang like MAHOMET in th' air, 605 Or St. IGNATIUS at his prayer, By pure geometry, and hate Dependence upon Church or State; Disdain the pedantry o' th' letter; And since obedience is better 610 (The Scripture says) than sacrifice, Presume the less on't will suffice; And scorn to have the moderat'st stints Prescrib'd their peremptory hints, Or any opinion, true or false, 615 Declar'd as such, in doctrinals But left at large to make their best on, Without b'ing call'd t' account or question, Interpret all the spleen reveals; As WHITTINGTON explain'd the bells; 620 And bid themselves turn back agen Lord May'rs of New Jerusalem; But look so big and over-grown, They scorn their edifiers t' own, Who taught them all their sprinkling lessons, 625 Their tones, and sanctified expressions Bestow'd their Gifts upon a Saint, Like Charity on those that want; And learn'd th' apocryphal bigots T' inspire themselves with short-hand notes; 630 For which they scorn and hate them worse Than dogs and cats do sow-gelders. For who first bred them up to pray, And teach, the House of Commons Way? Where had they all their gifted phrases, 635 But from our CALAMYS and CASES? Without whose sprinkling and sowing, Who e'er had heard of NYE or OWEN? Their dispensations had been stifled, But for our ADONIRAM BYFIELD; 640 And had they not begun the war, Th' had ne'er been sainted, as they are: For Saints in peace degenerate, And dwindle down to reprobate; Their zeal corrupts, like standing water, 645 In th' intervals of war and slaughter; Abates the sharpness of its edge, Without the power of sacrilege. And though they've tricks to cast their sins As easy as serpents do their skins, 650 That in a while grow out agen, In peace they turn mere carnal men, And from the most refin'd of saints, As naturally grow miscreants, As barnacles turn SOLAND geese 655 In th' Islands of the ORCADES. Their dispensation's but a ticket, For their conforming to the wicked; With whom the greatest difference Lies more in words, and shew, than sense. 660 For as the Pope, that keeps the gate Of Heaven, wears three crowns of state; So he that keeps the gate of Hell, Proud CERBERUS, wears three heads as well; And if the world has any troth 665 Some have been canoniz'd in both. But that which does them greatest harm, Their spiritual gizzards are too warm, Which puts the over-heated sots In fevers still, like other goats. 670 For though the Whore bends Hereticks With flames of fire, like crooked sticks, Our Schismaticks so vastly differ, Th' hotter th' are, they grow the stiffer; Still setting off their spiritual goods 675 With fierce and pertinacious feuds. For zeal's a dreadful termagant, That teaches Saints to tear and rant, And Independents to profess The doctrine of dependences: 680 Turns meek, and secret, sneaking ones, To raw-heads fierce and bloody-bones: And, not content with endless quarrels Against the wicked, and their morals, The GIBELLINES, for want of GUELPHS, 685 Divert their rage upon themselves. For now the war is not between The Brethren and the Men of Sin, But Saint and Saint, to spill the blood Of one another's brotherhood; 690 Where neither side can lay pretence To liberty of conscience, Or zealous suff'ring for the cause, To gain one groat's-worth of applause; For though endur'd with resolution, 695 'Twill ne'er amount to persecution. Shall precious Saints, and secret ones, Break one another's outward bones, And eat the flesh of Brethren, Instead of Kings and mighty men? 700 When fiends agree among themselves, Shall they be found the greatest elves? When BELL's at union with the DRAGON, And BAAL-PEOR friends with DAGON, When savage bears agree with bears, 705 Shall secret ones lug Saints by th' ears, And not atone their fatal wrath, When common danger threatens both? Shall mastiffs, by the coller pull'd, Engag'd with bulls, let go their hold, 710 And Saints, whose necks are pawn'd at stake, No notice of the danger take? But though no pow'r of Heav'n or Hell Can pacify phanatick zeal, Who wou'd not guess there might be hopes, 715 The fear of gallowses and ropes, Before their eyes, might reconcile Their animosities a while; At least until th' had a clear stage, And equal freedom to engage, 720 Without the danger of surprize By both our common enemies?
This none but we alone cou'd doubt, Who understand their workings out; And know them, both in soul and conscience, 725 Giv'n up t' as reprobate a nonsense As spiritual out-laws, whom the pow'r Of miracle can ne'er restore We, whom at first they set up under, In revelation only of plunder, 730 Who since have had so many trials Of their encroaching self-denials, That rook'd upon us with design To out-reform, and undermine; Took all our interest and commands 735 Perfidiously out of our hands; Involv'd us in the guilt of blood Without the motive gains allow'd, And made us serve as ministerial, Like younger Sons of Father BELIAL; 740 And yet, for all th' inhuman wrong Th' had done us and the Cause so long, We never fail to carry on The work still as we had begun; But true and faithfully obey'd 745 And neither preach'd them hurt, nor pray'd; Nor troubled them to crop our ears, Nor hang us like the cavaliers; Nor put them to the charge of gaols, To find us pill'ries and cart's-tails, 750 Or hangman's wages, which the State Was forc'd (before them) to be at, That cut, like tallies, to the stumps, Our ears for keeping true accompts, And burnt our vessels, like a new 755 Seal'd peck, or bushel, for b'ing true; But hand in hand, like faithful brothers, Held for the Cause against all others, Disdaining equally to yield One syllable of what we held, 760 And though we differ'd now and then 'Bout outward things, and outward men, Our inward men, and constant frame Of spirit, still were near the same; And till they first began to cant 765 And sprinkle down the Covenant, We ne'er had call in any place, Nor dream'd of teaching down free grace, But join'd our gifts perpetually Against the common enemy. 770 Although 'twas ours and their opinion, Each other's Church was but a RIMMON; And yet, for all this gospel-union, And outward shew of Church-communion, They'll ne'er admit us to our shares 775 Of ruling Church or State affairs; Nor give us leave t' absolve, or sentence T' our own conditions of repentance; But shar'd our dividend o' th' Crown, We had so painfully preach'd down; 780 And forc'd us, though against the grain, T' have calls to teach it up again: For 'twas but justice to restore The wrongs we had receiv'd before; And when 'twas held forth in our way, 785 W' had been ungrateful not to pay; Who, for the right w' have done the nation, Have earn'd our temporal salvation; And put our vessels in a way Once more to come again in play. 790 For if the turning of us out Has brought this Providence about, And that our only suffering Is able to bring in the King, What would our actions not have done, 795 Had we been suffer'd to go on? And therefore may pretend t' a share, At least; in carrying on th' affair. But whether that be so, or not, W' have done enough to have it thought; 800 And that's as good as if w' had done't, And easier pass't upon account: For if it be but half deny'd, 'Tis half as good as justifi'd. The world is nat'rally averse 805 To all the truth it sees or hears But swallows nonsense, and a lie, With greediness and gluttony And though it have the pique, and long, 'Tis still for something in the wrong; 810 As women long, when they're with child, For things extravagant and wild; For meats ridiculous and fulsome, But seldom any thing that's wholesome; And, like the world, men's jobbernoles 815 Turn round upon their ears, the poles; And what they're confidently told, By no sense else can be control'd. And this, perhaps, may prove time means Once more to hedge-in Providence, 820 For as relapses make diseases More desp'rate than their first accesses, If we but get again in pow'r, Our work is easier than before And we more ready and expert 825 I' th' mystery to do our part. We, who did rather undertake The first war to create than make, And when of nothing 'twas begun, Rais'd funds as strange to carry 't on; 830 Trepann'd the State, and fac'd it down With plots and projects of our own; And if we did such feats at first, What can we now we're better vers'd? Who have a freer latitude, 835 Than sinners give themselves, allow'd, And therefore likeliest to bring in, On fairest terms, our discipline; To which it was reveal'd long since, We were ordain'd by Providence; 840 When three Saints Ears, our predecessors, The Cause's primitive Confessors, B'ing crucify'd, the nation stood In just so many years of blood; That, multiply'd by six, exprest 845 The perfect number of the beast, And prov'd that we must be the men To bring this work about agen; And those who laid the first foundation, Compleat the thorough Reformation: 850 For who have gifts to carry on So great a work, but we alone? What churches have such able pastors, And precious, powerful, preaching masters? Possess'd with absolute dominions 855 O'er brethren's purses and opinions? And trusted with the double keys Of Heaven and their warehouses; Who, when the Cause is in distress, Can furnish out what sums they please, 860 That brooding lie in bankers' hands, To be dispos'd at their commands; And daily increase and multiply, With doctrine, use, and usury: Can fetch in parties (as in war 865 All other heads of cattle are) From th' enemy of all religions, As well as high and low conditions, And share them, from blue ribbands, down To all blue aprons in the town; 870 From ladies hurried in calleches, With cor'nets at their footmens' breeches, To bawds as fat as Mother Nab; All guts and belly, like a crab. Our party's great, and better ty'd 875 With oaths and trade than any side, Has one considerable improvement, To double fortify the Cov'nant: I mean our Covenant to purchase Delinquents titles, and the Churches; 880 That pass in sale, from hand to hand, Among ourselves, for current land; And rise or fall, like Indian actions, According to the rate of factions Our best reserve for Reformation, 885 When new out-goings give occasion; That keeps the loins of Brethren girt The Covenant (their creed) t' assert; And when th' have pack'd a Parliament, Will once more try th' expedient: 890 Who can already muster friends, To serve for members, to our ends, That represent no part o' th' nation, But Fisher's-Folly Congregation; Are only tools to our intrigues, 895 And sit like geese to hatch our eggs; Who, by their precedents of wit, T' out-fast, out-loiter, and out-sit, Can order matters underhand, To put all bus'ness to a stand; 900 Lay publick bills aside for private, And make 'em one another drive out; Divert the great and necessary, With trifles to contest and vary; And make the Ration represent, 905 And serve for us, in Parliament Cut out more work than can be done. In PLATO'S year, but finish none; Unless it be the Bulls of LENTHAL, That always pass'd for fundamental; 910 Can set up grandee against grandee, To squander time away, and bandy; Make Lords and Commoners lay sieges To one another's privileges, And, rather than compound the quarrel, 915 Engage to th' inevitable peril Of both their ruins; th' only scope And consolation of our hope; Who though we do not play the game, Assist as much by giving aim: 920 Can introduce our ancient arts, For heads of factions t' act their parts; Know what a leading voice is worth, A seconding, a third, or fourth How much a casting voice comes to, 925 That turns up trump, of ay, or no; And, by adjusting all at th' end, Share ev'ry one his dividend An art that so much study cost, And now's in danger to be lost, 930 Unless our ancient virtuosos, That found it out, get into th' Houses. These are the courses that we took To carry things by hook or crook; And practis'd down from forty-four, 935 Until they turn'd us out of door Besides the herds of Boutefeus We set on work without the House; When ev'ry knight and citizen Kept legislative journeymen, 940 To bring them in intelligence From all points of the rabble's sense, And fill the lobbies of both Houses With politick important buzzes: Set committees of cabals, 945 To pack designs without the walls; Examine, and draw up all news, And fit it to our present use. Agree upon the plot o' th' farce, And ev'ry one his part rehearse, 950 Make Q's of answers, to way-lay What th' other pasties like to say What repartees, and smart reflections, Shall be return'd to all objections; And who shall break the master-jest, 955 And what, and how, upon the rest Held pamphlets out, with safe editions, Of proper slanders and seditions; And treason for a token send, By Letter to a Country Friend; 960 Disperse lampoons, the only wit That men, like burglary, commit; Wit falser than a padder's face, That all its owner does betrays; Who therefore dares not trust it when 965 He's in his calling to be seen; Disperse the dung on barren earth, To bring new weeds of discord forth; Be sure to keep up congregations, In spight of laws and proclamations: 970 For Charlatans can do no good Until they're mounted in a crowd; And when they're punish'd, all the hurt Is but to fare the better for't; As long as confessors are sure 975 Of double pay for all th' endure; And what they earn in persecution, Are paid t' a groat in contribution. Whence some Tub-Holders-forth have made In powd'ring-tubs their richest trade; 980 And while they kept their shops in prison, Have found their prices strangely risen. Disdain to own the least regret For all the Christian blood w' have let; 'Twill save our credit, and maintain 985 Our title to do so again; That needs not cost one dram of sense, But pertinacious impudence. Our constancy t' our principles, In time will wear out all things else; 990 Like marble statues rubb'd in pieces With gallantry of pilgrims' kisses; While those who turn and wind their oaths, Have swell'd and sunk, like other froths; Prevail'd a while, but 'twas not long 995 Before from world to world they swung: As they had turn'd from side to side, And as the changelings liv'd, they dy'd.
This said, th' impatient States-monger Could now contain himself no longer; 1000 Who had not spar'd to shew his piques Against th' haranguer's politicks, With smart remarks of leering faces, And annotations of grimaces. After h' had administer'd a dose 1005 Of snuff-mundungus to his nose, And powder'd th' inside of his skull, Instead of th' outward jobbernol, He shook it with a scornful look On th' adversary, and thus he spoke: 1010
In dressing a calves head, although The tongue and brains together go, Both keep so great a distance here, 'Tis strange if ever they come near; For who did ever play his gambols 1015 With such insufferable rambles To make the bringing in the KING, And keeping of him out, one thing? Which none could do, but those that swore T' as point-plank nonsense heretofore: 1020 That to defend, was to invade; And to assassinate, to aid Unless, because you drove him out, (And that was never made a doubt,) No pow'r is able to restore, 1025 And bring him in, but on your score A spiritual doctrine, that conduces Most properly to all your uses. 'Tis true, a scorpions oil is said To cure the wounds the vermine made; 1030 And weapons, drest with salves, restore And heal the hurts they gave before; But whether Presbyterians have So much good nature as the salve, Or virtue in them as the vermine, 1035 Those who have try'd them can determine. Indeed, 'th pity you should miss Th' arrears of all your services, And for th' eternal obligation Y' have laid upon th' ungrateful nation, 1040 Be us'd so unconscionably hard, As not to find a just reward, For letting rapine loose, and murther, To rage just so far, but no further; And setting all the land on fire, 1045 To burn't to a scantling, but no higher; For vent'ring to assassinate, And cut the throats, of Church and State, And not be allow'd the fittest men To take the charge of both agen: 1050 Especially, that have the grace Of self-denying, gifted face; Who when your projects have miscarry'd, Can lay them, with undaunted forehead, On those you painfully trepann'd, 1055 And sprinkled in at second hand; As we have been, to share the guilt Of Christian Blood, devoutly spilt; For so our ignorance was flamm'd To damn ourselves, t' avoid being damn'd; 1060 Till finding your old foe, the hangman, Was like to lurch you at back-gammon And win your necks upon the set, As well as ours, who did but bet, (For he had drawn your ears before, 1065 And nick'd them on the self-same score,) We threw the box and dice away, Before y' had lost us, at foul play; And brought you down to rook, and lie, And fancy only, on the by; 1070 Redeem'd your forfeit jobbernoles From perching upon lofty poles; And rescu'd all your outward traitors From hanging up like aligators; For which ingeniously y' have shew'd 1075 Your Presbyterian gratitude: Would freely have paid us home in kind, And not have been one rope behind. Those were your motives to divide, And scruple, on the other side. 1080 To turn your zealous frauds, and force, To fits of conscience and remorse; To be convinc'd they were in vain, And face about for new again; For truth no more unveil'd your eyes, 1085 Than maggots are convinc'd to flies And therefore all your lights and calls Are but apocryphal and false, To charge us with the consequences Of all your native insolences, 1090 That to your own imperious wills Laid Law and Gospel neck and heels; Corrupted the Old Testament, To serve the New for precedent T' amend its errors, and defects, 1095 With murther, and rebellion texts; Of which there is not any one In all the Book to sow upon And therefore (from your tribe) the Jews Held Christian doctrine forth, and use; 1100 As Mahomet (your chief) began To mix them in the Alchoran: Denounc'd and pray'd, with fierce devotion, And bended elbows on the cushion; Stole from the beggars all your tones, 1105 And gifted mortifying groans; Had Lights where better eyes were blind, As pigs are said to see the wind Fill'd Bedlam with predestination, And Knights-bridge with illumination: 1110 Made children, with your tones, to run for't, As bad as bloody-bones, or LUNSFORD: While women, great with child, miscarry'd, For being to malignants marry'd Transform'd all wives to DALILAHS 1115 Whose husbands were not for the Cause; And turn'd the men to ten horn'd cattle, Because they came not out to battle Made taylors' prentices turn heroes, For fear of being transform'd to MEROZ: 1120 And rather forfeit their indentures, Than not espouse the Saints' adventures. Could transubstantiate, metamorphose, And charm whole herds of beasts, like Orpheus; Inchant the King's and Churches lands 1125 T' obey and follow your commands; And settle on a new freehold, As MARCLY-HILL had done of old: Could turn the Covenant, and translate The gospel into spoons and plate: 1130 Expound upon all merchants' cashes, And open th' intricatest places Could catechize a money-box, And prove all powches orthodox; Until the Cause became a DAMON, 1135 And PYTHIAS the wicked Mammon.
And yet, in spight of all your charms To conjure legion up in arms, And raise more devils in the rout Than e'er y' were able to cast out, 1140 Y' have been reduc'd, and by those fools Bred up (you say) in your own schools; Who, though but gifted at your feet, Have made it plain, they have more wit; By whom y' have been so oft trepann'd, 1145 And held forth out of all command, Out-gifted, out-impuls'd, out-done, And out-reveal'd at carryings-on; Of all your dispensations worm'd, Out-Providenc'd, and out-reform'd; 1150 Ejected out of Church and State, And all things, but the peoples' hate; And spirited out of th' enjoyments Of precious, edifying employments, By those who lodg'd their Gifts and Graces, 1155 Like better bowlers, in your places; All which you bore with resolution, Charg'd on th' accompt of persecution; And though most righteously opprest, Against your wills, still acquiesc'd; 1160 And never hum'd and hah'd sedition, Nor snuffled treason, nor misprision. That is, because you never durst; For had you preach'd and pray'd your worst, Alas! you were no longer able 1165 To raise your posse of the rabble: One single red-coat centinel Out-charm'd the magick of the spell; And, with his squirt-fire, could disperse Whole troops with chapter rais'd and verse. 1170 We knew too well those tricks of yours, To leave it ever in your powers; Or trust our safeties, or undoings, To your disposing of out-goings; Or to your ordering Providence, 1175 One farthing's-worth of consequence. For had you pow'r to undermine, Or wit to carry a design, Or correspondence to trepan, Inveigle, or betray one man, 1180 There's nothing else that intervenes, And bars your zeal to use the means And therefore wond'rous like, no doubt, To bring in Kings, or keep them out. Brave undertakers to restore, 1185 That cou'd not keep yourselves in pow'r; T' advance the int'rests of the Crown, That wanted wit to keep your own.
'Tis true, you have (for I'd be loth To wrong ye) done your parts in both, 1190 To keep him out, and bring him in, As grace is introduc'd by sin; For 'twas your zealous want of sense, And sanctify'd impertinence, Your carrying business in a huddle, 1195 That forc'd our rulers to new-model; Oblig'd the State to tack about, And turn you, root and branch, all out; To reformado, one and all, T' your great Croysado General. 1200 Your greedy slav'ring to devour, Before 'twas in your clutches, pow'r, That sprung the game you were to set, Before y' had time to draw the net; Your spight to see the Churches' lands 1205 Divided into other hands, And all your sacrilegious ventures Laid out in tickets and debentures; Your envy to he sprinkled down, By Under-Churches in the town; 1210 And no course us'd to stop their mouths, Nor th' Independents' spreading growths All which consider'd, 'tis most true None bring him in so much as you Who have prevail'd beyond their plots, 1215 Their midnight juntos, and seal'd knots That thrive more by your zealous piques, Than all their own rash politicks And you this way may claim a share In carrying (as you brag) th' affair; 1220 Else frogs and toads, that croak'd the Jews From PHARAOH and his brick-kilns loose, And flies and mange, that set them free From task-masters and slavery, Were likelier to do the feat, 1225 In any indiff'rent man's conceit For who e'er heard of restoration Until your thorough Reformation? That is, the King's and Churches' land Were sequester'd int' other hands: 1230 For only then, and not before, Your eyes were open'd to restore. And when the work was carrying on, Who cross'd it, but yourselves alone? As by a world of hints appears, 1235 All plain and extant as your ears.
But first, o' th' first: The Isle of WIGHT Will rise up, if you should deny't; Where HENDERSON, and th' other masses, Were sent to cap texts, and put cases; 1240 To pass for deep and learned scholars, Although but paltry Ob and Sollers: As if th' unseasonable fools Had been a coursing in the schools; Until th' had prov'd the Devil author 1245 O' th' Covenant, and the Cause his daughter, For when they charg'd him with the guilt Of all the blood that had been spilt, They did not mean he wrought th' effusion, In person, like Sir PRIDE, or HUGHSON, 1250 But only those who first begun The quarrel were by him set on; And who could those be but the Saints, Those Reformation Termagants? But e'er this pass'd, the wise debate 1255 Spent so much time, it grew too late; For OLIVER had gotten ground, T' inclose him with his warriors round Had brought his Providence about, And turn'd th' untimely sophists out, 1260 Nor had the UXBRIDGE bus'ness less Of nonsense in't, or sottishness, When from a scoundrel Holder-forth, The scum as well as son o' th' earth, Your mighty Senators took law; 1265 At his command, were forc'd t' withdraw, And sacrifice the peace o' th' nation To doctrine, use and application. So when the SCOTS, your constant cronies, Th' espousers of your Cause and monies, 1270 Who had so often, in your aid, So many ways been soundly paid, Came in at last for better ends, To prove themselves your trusty friends, You basely left them, and the Church 1275 They train'd you up to, in the lurch, And suffer'd your own tribe of Christians To fall before, as true Philistines. This shews what utensils y' have been, To bring the King's concernments in; 1280 Which is so far from being true, That none but he can bring in you: And if he take you into trust, Will find you most exactly just: Such as will punctually repay 1285 With double interest, and betray.
Not that I think those pantomimes, Who vary action with the times, Are less ingenious in their art, Than those who dully act one part; 1290 Or those who turn from side to side, More guilty than the wind and tide. All countries are a wise man's home, And so are governments to some, Who change them for the same intrigues 1295 That statesmen use in breaking leagues; While others, in old faiths and troths, Look odd as out-of-fashion'd cloths; And nastier in an old opinion, Than those who never shift their linnen. 1300
For true and faithful's sure to lose, Which way soever the game goes; And whether parties lose or win, Is always nick'd, or else hedg'd in: While pow'r usurp'd, like stol'n delight, 1305 Is more bewitching than the right; And when the times begin to alter, None rise so high as from the halter.
And so may we, if w' have but sense To use the necessary means; 1310 And not your usual stratagems On one another, Lights and Dreams To stand on terms as positive, As if we did not take, but give: Set up the Covenant on crutches, 1315 'Gainst those who have us in their clutches, And dream of pulling churches down, Before w' are sure to prop our own: Your constant method of proceeding, Without the carnal mans of heeding; 1320 Who 'twixt your inward sense and outward, Are worse, than if y' had none, accoutred. I grant, all courses are in vain, Unless we can get in again; The only way that's left us now; 1325 But all the difficulty's, How? 'Tis true, w' have money, th' only pow 'r That all mankind falls down before; Money, that, like the swords of kings, Is the last reason of all things; 1330 And therefore need not doubt our play Has all advantages that way; As long as men have faith to sell, And meet with those that can pay well; Whose half-starv'd pride, and avarice, 1335 One Church and State will not suffice T' expose to sale, beside the wages Of storing plagues to after-ages. Nor is our money less our own, Than 'twas before we laid it down; 1340 For 'twill return, and turn t' account, If we are brought, in play upon't: Or but, by casting knaves, get in, What pow 'r can hinder us to win? We know the arts we us'd before, 1345 In peace and war, and something more; And by th' unfortunate events, Can mend our next experiments: For when w' are taken into trust, How easy are the wisest choust? 1350 Who see but th' outsides of our feats, And not their secret springs and weights; And while they're busy at their ease, Can carry what designs we please. How easy is it to serve for agents, 1355 To prosecute our old engagements? To keep the Good Old Cause on foot, And present power from taking root? Inflame them both with false alarms Of plots and parties taking arms; 1360 To keep the Nation's wounds too wide From healing up of side to side; Profess the passionat'st concerns For both their interests by turns; The only way to improve our own, 1365 By dealing faithfully with none; (As bowls run true, by being made On purpose false, and to be sway'd:) For if we should be true to either, 'Twould turn us out of both together; 1370 And therefore have no other means To stand upon our own defence, But keeping up our ancient party In vigour, confident and hearty: To reconcile our late dissenters, 1375 Our brethren, though by other venters; Unite them, and their different maggots, As long and short sticks are in faggots, And make them join again as close As when they first began t' espouse; 1380 Erect them into separate New Jewish tribes, in Church and State; To join in marriage and commerce, And only among themselves converse; And all that are not of their mind, 1385 Make enemies to all mankind: Take all religions in and stickle From Conclave down to Conventicle; Agreeing still, or disagreeing, According to the Light in being. 1390 Sometimes for liberty of conscience, And spiritual mis-rule, in one sense; But in another quite contrary, As dispensations chance to vary; And stand for, as the times will bear it, 1395 All contradictions of the Spirit: Protect their emissaries, empower'd To preach sedition and the word; And when they're hamper'd by the laws, Release the lab'rers for the Cause, 1400 And turn the persecution back On those that made the first attack; To keep them equally in awe, From breaking or maintaining law: And when they have their fits too soon, 1405 Before the full-tides of the moon, Put off their zeal t' a fitter season For sowing faction in and treason; And keep them hooded, and their Churches, Like hawks from baiting on their perches, 1410 That, when the blessed time shall come Of quitting BABYLON and ROME, They may be ready to restore Their own Fifth Monarchy once more.
Meanwhile be better arm'd to fence 1415 Against revolts of Providence. By watching narrowly, and snapping All blind sides of it, they happen For if success could make us Saints, Or ruin turn'd us miscreants: 1420 A scandal that wou'd fall too hard Upon a few, and. unprepar'd.
These are the courses we must run, Spight of our hearts, or be undone; And not to stand on terms and freaks, 1425 Before we have secur'd our necks; But do our work, as out of sight, As stars by day, and suns by night; All licence of the people own, In opposition to the Crown; 1430 And for the Crown as fiercely side, The head and body to divide; The end of all we first design'd, And all that yet remains behind Be sure to spare no publick rapine, 1435 On all emergencies, that happen; For 'tis as easy to supplant Authority as men in want; As some of us, in trusts, have made The one hand with the other trade; 1440 Gain'd vastly by their joint endeavour; The right a thief; the left receiver; And what the one, by tricks, forestall'd, The other, by as sly, retail'd. For gain has wonderful effects 1445 T' improve the Factory of Sects; The rule of faith in all professions. And great DIANA of the EPHESIANS; Whence turning of Religion's made The means to turn and wind a trade: 1450 And though some change it for the worse, They put themselves into a course; And draw in store of customers, To thrive the better in commerce: For all Religions flock together, 1455 Like tame and wild fowl of a feather; To nab the itches of their sects, As jades do one another's necks. Hence 'tis, Hypocrisy as well Will serve t' improve a Church as ZEAL: 1460 As Persecution or Promotion, Do equally advance Devotion.
Let business, like ill watches, go Sometime too fast, sometime too slow; For things in order are put out 1465 So easy, Ease itself will do't; But when the feat's design'd and meant, What miracle can bar th' event? For 'tis more easy to betray, Than ruin any other way. 1470 All possible occasions start The weighty'st matters to divert; Obstruct, perplex, distract, intangle, And lay perpetual trains to wrangle. But in affairs of less import, 1475 That neither do us good nor hurt, And they receive as little by, Out-fawn as much, and out-comply; And seem as scrupulously just, To bait our hooks for greater trust; 1480 But still be careful to cry down All publick actions, though our own: The least miscarriage aggravate, And charge it all upon the Sate; Express the horrid'st detestation, 1485 And pity the distracted nation Tell stories scandalous and false, I' th' proper language of cabals, Where all a subtle statesman says, Is half in words, and half in face; 1490 (As Spaniards talk in dialogues Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs:) Entrust it under solemn vows Of mum, and silence, and the rose, To be retail'd again in whispers, 1495 For th' easy credulous to disperse.
Thus far the Statesman - When a shout, Heard at a distance, put him out; And straight another, all aghast, Rush'd in with equal fear and haste; 1500 Who star'd about, as pale as death, And, for a while, as out of breath; Till having gather'd up his wits, He thus began his tale by fits.
That beastly rabble - that came down 1505 From all the garrets - in the town, And stalls, and shop-boards - in vast swarms, With new-chalk'd bills - and rusty arms, To cry the Cause - up, heretofore, And bawl the BISHOPS - out of door, 1510 Are now drawn up - in greater shoals, To roast - and broil us on the coals, And all the Grandees - of our Members Are carbonading - on the embers; Knights, Citizens, and Burgesses - 1515 Held forth by Rumps - of Pigs and Geese, That serve for Characters - and Badges. To represent their Personages: Each bonfire is a funeral pile, In which they roast, and scorch, and broil, 1520 And ev'ry representative Have vow'd to roast - and broil alive:
And 'tis a miracle, we are not Already sacrific' d incarnate. For while we wrangle here, and jar, 1525 W' are grilly'd all at TEMPLE-BAR: Some on the sign-post of an ale-house, Hang in effigy, on the gallows; Made up of rags, to personate Respective Officers of State; 1530 That henceforth they may stand reputed, Proscrib'd in law, and executed; And while the Work is carrying on Be ready listed under DON, That worthy patriot, once the bellows, 1535 And tinder-box, of all his fellows; The activ'st Member of the Five, As well as the most primitive; Who, for his faithful service then Is chosen for a Fifth agen: 1540 (For since the State has made a Quint Of Generals, he's listed in't.) This worthy, as the world will say, Is paid in specie, his own way; For, moulded to the life in clouts, 1545 Th' have pick'd from dung-hills hereabouts, He's mounted on a hazel bavin, A cropp'd malignant baker gave 'm; And to the largest bone-fire riding, They've roasted COOK already and PRIDE in; 1550 On whom in equipage and state, His scarecrow fellow-members wait, And march in order, two and two, As at thanksgivings th' us'd to do; Each in a tatter'd talisman, 1555 Like vermin in effigie slain.
But (what's more dreadful than the rest) Those Rumps are but the tail o' th' Beast, Set up by Popish engineers, As by the crackers plainly appears; 1560 For none but Jesuits have a mission To preach the faith with ammunition, And propagate the Church with powder: Their founder was a blown-up Soldier. These spiritual pioneers o' th' Whore's, 1565 That have the charge of all her stores, Since first they fail'd in their designs, To take in Heav'n by springing mines, And with unanswerable barrels Of gunpowder dispute their quarrels, 1570 Now take a course more practicable, By laying trains to fire the rabble, And blow us up in th' open streets, Disguis'd in Rumps, like Sambenites; More like to ruin, and confound, 1575 Than all the doctrines under ground.
Nor have they chosen Rumps amiss For symbols of State-mysteries; Though some suppose 'twas but to shew How much they scorn'd the Saints, the few; 1580 Who, 'cause they're wasted to the stumps, Are represented best by Rumps. But Jesuits have deeper reaches In all their politick far-fetches, And from the Coptick Priest, Kircherus, 1585 Found out this mystick way to jeer us. For, as th' Egyptians us'd by bees T' express their antick PTOLOMIES; And by their stings, the swords they wore, Held forth authority and power; 1590 Because these subtil animals Bear all their int'rests in their tails; And when they're once impar'd in that, Are banish'd their well-order'd state; They thought all governments were best 1595 By Hieroglyphick Rumps exprest.
For, as in bodies natural, The rump's the fundament of all; So, in a commonwealth, or realm, The government is call'd the helm; 1600 With which, like vessels under sail, They're turn'd and winded by the tail; The tail, which birds and fishes steer Their courses with through sea and air; To whom the rudder of the rump is 1605 The same thing with the stern and compass. This shews how perfectly the Rump And Commonwealth in nature jump. For as a fly, that goes to bed, Rests with his tail above his head, 1610 So in this mungrel state of ours; The rabble are the supreme powers; That hors'd us on their backs, to show us A jadish trick at last, and throw us.
The learned Rabbins of the Jews 1615 Write there's a bone, which they call leuz, I' th' rump of man, of such a virtue, No force in nature can do hurt to; And therefore at the last great day, All th' other members shall, they say, 1620 Spring out of this, as from a seed All sorts of vegetals proceed; From whence the learned sons of art Os Sacrum justly stile that part. Then what can better represent 1625 Than this Rump Bone the Parliament; That, alter several rude ejections, And as prodigious resurrections, With new reversions of nine lives, Starts up, and like a cat revives? 1630
But now, alas! they're all expir'd, And th' House, as well as Members, fir'd; Consum'd in kennels by the rout, With which they other fires put out: Condemn'd t' ungoverning distress, 1635 And paultry, private wretchedness; Worse than the Devil, to privation, Beyond all hopes of restoration; And parted, like the body and soul, From all dominion and controul. 1640 We, who cou'd lately with a look Enact, establish, or revoke; Whose arbitrary nods gave law, And frowns kept multitudes in awe; Before the bluster of whose huff, 1645 All hats, as in a storm, flew off; Ador'd and bowed to by the great, Down to the footman and valet; Had more bent knees than chapel-mats, And prayers than the crowns of hats; 1650 Shall now be scorn'd as wretchedly; For ruin's just as low as high; Which might be suffer'd, were it all The horror that attends our fall: For some of us have scores more large 1655 Than heads and quarters can discharge; And others, who, by restless scraping, With publick frauds, and private rapine, Have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd, Would gladly lay down all at last; 1660 And to be but undone, entail Their vessels on perpetual jail; And bless the Dev'l to let them farms Of forfeit souls on no worse terms.
This said, a near and louder shout 1665 Put all th' assembly to the rout, Who now begun t' out-run their fear, As horses do from whom they bear; But crowded on with so mach haste, Until th' had block'd the passage fast, 1670 And barricado'd it with haunches Of outward men, and bulks, and paunches, That with their shoulders strove to squeeze, And rather save a crippled piece Of all their crush'd and broken members, 1675 Than have them grilled on the embers; Still pressing on with heavy packs Of one another on their backs: The van-guard could no longer hear The charges of the forlorn rear, 1680 But, born down headlong by the rout, Were trampled sorely under foot: Yet nothing prov'd so formidable As the horrid cookery of the rabble; And fear, that keeps all feeling out, 1685 As lesser pains are by the gout, Reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply Of rallied force enough to fly, And beat a Tuscan running-horse, Whose jockey-rider is all spurs. 1690
1 g The Learned write, &c.] An insect breeze. Breezes often bring along with them great quantities of insects, which some are of opinion, are generated from viscous exhalations in the air; but our Author makes them proceed from a cow's dung, and afterwards become a plague to that whence it received its original.
13 h For as the Persian, &c.] The Magi were priests and philosophers among the Persians, intrusted with the government both civil and ecclesiastick, much addicted to the observation of the stars. Zoroaster is reported to be their first author. They had this custom amongst them, to preserve and continue their families by incestuous copulation with their own mothers. Some are of opinion, that the three wise men that came out of the East to worship our Saviour were some of these.
51 i At Michael's Term, &c.] St. Michael, an archangel; mentioned in St. Jude's Epistle, Verse 9.
78 k And laid about, &c.] William Prynne, of Lincoln's-Inn, Esq. born at Swanswick, who stiled himself Utter Barrister, a very warm person, and voluminous writer; and after the Restoration, keeper of the records in the Tower.
146 l As Dutch Boors, &c.] It is reported of the Dutch women, that making so great use of stoves, and often putting them under their petticoats, they engender a kind of ugly monster, which is called a Sooterkin.
151 m T' out-cant the Babylonian, &c.] At the building of the Tower of Babel, when God made the confusion of languages.
215 Toss'd in a furious Hurricane, &c.] At Oliver's death was a most furious tempest, such as had not been known in the memory of man, or hardly ever recorded to have been in this nation. This Sterry reported something ridiculously fabulous concerning Oliver, not unlike what Proculus did of Romulus.
224 o False Heaven, &c.] After the Restoration, Oliver's body was dug up, and his head set at the farther end of Westminster- hall, near which place there is an house of entertainment, which is commonly known by the name of Heaven.
227 p So Romulus, &c.] A Roman Senator, whose name was Proculus, and much beloved by Romulus, made oath before the Senate, that this prince appeared to him after his death, and predicted the future grandeur of that city, promising to be protector of it; and expressly charged him, that he should be adored there under the name of Quirinus; and he had his temple on Mount Quirinale.
231 q Next his Son, &c.] Oliver's eldest son Richard was, by him before his death, declared his successor; and, by order of privy-council, proclaimed Lord Protector, and received the compliments of congratulation and condolence, at the same time, from the Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen: and addresses were presented to him from all parts of the nation, promising to stand by him with their lives and fortunes. He summoned a Parliament to meet at Westminster, which recognized him Lord Protector: yet, notwithstanding, Fleetwood, Desborough, and their partizans, managed affairs so, that he was obliged to resign.
245 r To edify upon the Ruins, &c.] John of Leyden, whose name was Buckhold, was a butcher of the same place, but a crafty, eloquent, and seditious fellow and one of those called Anabaptists. He went and set up at Munster, where, with Knipperdoling, and others of the same faction, they spread their abominable errors, and run about the streets in enthusiastical raptures, crying, Repent and be baptized, pronouncing dismal woes against all those that would not embrace their tenets. About the year 1533 they broke out into an open insurrection, and seized the palace and magazines, and grew so formidable that it was very dangerous for those who were not of their persuasion to dwell in Munster; but at length he and his associates being subdued and taken, he was executed at Munster, had his flesh pulled off by two executioners with red- hot pincers for the space of an hour, and then run through with a sword.
351 s 'Mong these there was a Politician, &c.] This was the famous E. of S. who was endued with a particular faculty of undermining and subverting all sorts of government.
409 t and better than by Napier's Bones, &c.] The famous Lord Napier, of Scotland, the first inventor of logarithms, contrived also a set of square pieces, with numbers on them, made generally of ivory, (which perform arithmetical and geometrical calculations,) and are commonly called Napier's Bones.
421 u To match this Saint, &c.] The great colonel John Lilbourn, whose trial is so remarkable, and well known at this time.
475 w The Trojan Mare, &c.] After the Grecians had spent ten years in the siege of Troy, without the least prospect of success, they bethought of a stratagem, and made a wooden horse capable of containing a considerable number of armed men: this they filled with the choicest of their army, and then pretended to raise the siege; upon which the credulous Trojans made a breach in the walls of the city to bring in this fatal plunder; but when it was brought in, the inclosed heroes soon appeared, and surprizing the city, the rest entered in at the breach.
520 x (I mean Margaret's Fast) &c.] That Parliament used to have publick fasts kept in St. Margaret's church, Westminster, as is done to this present time.
605 y To hang like Mahomet, &c.] It is reported of Mahomet the great impostor, that having built a mosque, the roof whereof was of loadstone, and ordering his corpse, when he was dead, to be put into an iron coffin, and brought into that place, the loadstone soon attracted it near the top, where it still hangs in the air. No less fabulous is what the legend says of Ignatius Loyola, that his zeal and devotion transported him so, that at his prayers he has been seen to be raised from the ground for some considerable time together.
650 z As easy as Serpents, &c.] Naturalists report, that Snakes, Serpents, &c. cast their skins every year.
655 a As Barnacles turn Soland Geese, &c.] It is said that in the Islands of the Orcades, in Scotland, there are trees which bear those barnacles, which dropping off into the water, receive life, and become those birds called soland geese.
663 b So he that keeps the Gate of Hell, &c.] The poets feign the dog Cerberus, that is the porter of hell, to have three heads.
685 c The GIBELLINES, &c.] Two great factions in Italy, distinguished by those names, miserably distracted and wasted it about the year 1130.
841 d When three Saints Ears, &c.] Burton, Prynn, and Bastwick, three notorious ringleaders of the factious, just at the beginning of the late horrid rebellion.
894 e But Fisher's Folly, &c.] Fisher's Folly, was where Devonshire-Square now stands, and was a great place of consultation in those days.
907 f Cut out more Work, &c.] Plato's year, or the grand revolution of the intire machine of the world, was accounted 4000 years.
1200 g T' your great Croysado General, &c.] General Fairfax, who was soon laid aside after he had done some of their drudgery for them.
1241 h To pass for deep and learned Scholars, &c.] Two ridiculous scribblers, that were often pestering the world with nonsense.
1250 i Like Sir Pride, &c.] The one a brewer, the other a shoemaker, and both colonels in the rebels' army.
1505 k The beastly Rabble that came down, &c.] This is an accurate description of the mob's burning rumps upon the admission of the secluded Members, on contempt of the Rump- Parliament.
1534 l Be ready listed under DON] The hangman's name at that time was Don.
1550 m They've roasted COOK already and PRIDE in.] Cook acted as solicitor-general against King Charles the First at his trial; and afterwards received his just reward for the same. Pride, a colonel in the Parliament's army.
1564 n Their Founder was a blown up Soldier.] Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the society of the Jesuits, was a gentleman of Biscay, in Spain, and bred a soldier; was at Pampelune when it was besieged by the French in the year 1521, and was so very lame in both feet, by the damage he sustained there, that he was forced to keep his bed.
1585 o And from their Coptick Priests, Kircherus.] Athanasius Kircher, a Jesuit, hath wrote largely on the AEgyptian mystical learning.
1587 p For, as the AEgyptians us'd by Bees, &c.] The AEgyptians represented their kings, (many of whose names were Ptolemy) under the hieroglyphick of a bee, dispensing honey to the good and virtuous, and having a sting for the wicked and dissolute.
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